thisHero

When mom was 10, her dad took her to the Stanislaus County Fair. You see he was a big chili fan and they were having a chili cook-off and there were 100 contestants, which means there were 100 different chili;s he was going to be able to taste test. Mom, she was just looking forward to the rides, and spending time with her dad so she wore her favorite dress.

Once they got to the fair they made a bee line to the chili cook-off where they were immediately were given a “Stanislaus County Fair – Chili Cook-off” bib, which was perfect for protecting mom’s dress. So after a little coaxing, dad was able to talk mom into trying the chili, and after deciding she liked it, they made their way through the tables, getting spoonfuls of chili. It was around chili 73 that dad noticed that mom’s dress was poofing out every now and then, and the further they went along with the chili, the more frequently it poofed. After they were finish with the chili, and mom’s face was covered with chili, dad asked her, “you’re puffo-ing aren’t you?” And mom, her face turning a bright red nodded. “That’s ok, everyone puff-o’s” he told her. “But dad” she asked, “why don’t you ever puff-o?” and he said, “because I’m a gentlemen, and gentlemen don’t puff-o”. And along they went off to ride the rides.

After a few hours of riding the rides, mom was tired and it was time to go. So they walked back to his truck and drove back towards Modesto. Along the route dad suddenly let out a giant puff-o, that started from his side and reverberated along the seat to mom, making a long and quite loud ripping noise. Dad turned just as red as mom did earlier in the day, and she looked at him and with a sheepish smile said, “Daddy, you puff-o’ed” And dad just started laughing and said yes, I passed gas. And they continued on home, mom sitting next to her dad and dad driving with his window down.

Last night the girls were more awake then normal, and Barb was busy working on a project for their school, so the girls got two stories. While I’m not going to write out the stories in detail, I will give you a “cliff notes” version.

Story 1 – This was a very girlie storie, for the girls. They were talking earlier in the day about the drama of their young lives and about how friends use abuse each other, so this story had a moral to it. Like I stated before the stories will usually “star” either myself or Barb, and since this was a story about girl drama, Barb gets to be the star. The story starts out about Barb in Junior High School, and how she was a star on their 8th grade basketball team, and how she carried the team to the Stanislaus County Championship game. The second part of the story was about how Barb’s best friend told lies to Barb about a boy she wanted to ask her out to the prom. Well the girl, told Barb that the boy did not like her in any way, and would never agree to go with her to the prom. However, another friend told Barb the truth that he did like her, and that the first friend was just lying to her. After some investigation and some luck, Barb found out the truth, and when she confronted that so-called friend, the day before the big championship game, there was a shoving match and Barb ended up falling down some stairs and twisting her ankle. Well with the bad ankle, Barb couldn’t play in the game, and by half time, Barb’s team was losing by 20 points. After a very motivational and uplifting speech by Barb at halftime, the team came around and won the big game as a team, and even though Barb didn’t play, she was carried off of the court. And then, just before they were to enter the locker room, the boy Barb liked came up to her, and asked her to the prom.

A very girl story.

Story 2 – This was a quick story, about a fish tank we had at my house as a boy, and about how a catfish was fighting with another fish, and how peace could not be found between these two fish, and in the end a divider needed to be set-up, dividing the tank in half so that the catfish and the other fish couldn’t cause trouble any longer.

It was short and sweet, and for some reason the girls liked this story better. Go figure.

When I was five, I was playing with my hot wheels, and I had built a giant ramp, down the side of the wall with the orange track that hot wheels use. Down the wall it went, and along the floor to a jump. I was going to have my ’67 Mustang fastback jump, and it was going to be the longest, grandest jump of them all. So I lined up every hot wheel I could find, 27 in total, but standing back, that wasn’t enough, so I went a found my sisters barbies, four of them, and lined them up next to the hot wheels. Still not enough, so I talked my little brother and little sister to line up next to the barbies, then a pick for good measure. With a nice good distance, it was time for the jump, but what is an awesome jump like this without an audience, so I got my mom and dad and brothers and sisters to come witness this feat of daring, daring-ness.

Off the mighty Mustang went as I let it go, down, down, down, gaining speed til it was a blur. Along the straight away and then up the ramp off the Mustang flew, clearing the hot wheels and the barbies, the Mustang crashed into my brother. I was devastated, how could this be? So I let the Mustang rip down the track again… and again… and again… each time it crashed, either into my brother, or off the track, never clearing this vast distance.

Slowly everyone trickled out of the room, until it was just me, the track and a pickle.